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Nurturing Your Asperger’s Child

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You have found out that your child is on the autism spectrum–he or she has Asperger’s Syndrome, a mild form of autism. Autistic kids can be on the odd side of normal, or they can be pretty seriously impaired. Your child with Asperger’s is somewhere in the middle. Now, how can you help your child move toward being more normal? Work to aid his self-confidence, and shield him from those who would discourage him.

Here’s one key tip: if at all possible, teach your child music. People on the autism spectrum often have exceptional musical talent, even folks who have trouble speaking and learning. Perfect pitch is not particularly rare for them. This will give you child a skill to excel in, or at least to enjoy, all his life. The problem may be to find a flexible teacher who is not intimidated by your unusual student. Look for a professional music therapist, or someone with experience dealing with special needs folks. Requiring practicing every day can be built into your system of rewards for your child, a system you need to figure out. This reward system will provide an incentive for doing chores and homework. The music lessons have worked well for my brother as well as my children.

Children with Aspergers need to learn social skills–they don’t come naturally. It is your job as a parent to find teachable moments and use them well. These moments may not start arriving until middle school, when the child is becoming more aware of those around him. He may figure out that he is isolated, and may not like it. When this happens, it’s your turn to pull him aside and tell him how to replay a particular social situation, this time with a better outcome.

Steps you can take are:

* Social skills groups with other Aspies taught by a professional. (Speech therapists are stepping into this need; so are social workers specializing in coaching kids with learning disabilities.)

* Working with him yourself. Set aside 15 minutes a day during Homework Time to play conversation games.

* Sending him to a special-needs school that will help with this. I believe that mainstreaming the child without any support is not helpful. These children need careful coaching on how to interact with others, and protection from bullying.

Bullying has lasting damaging effects on your child’s self-esteem.

An Asperger’s child in regular school may be the target of teasing and bullying. It is your job to try to make sure that isn’t happening. You may want to volunteer at your child’s school, to find out what is happening. If your child has an aide assigned to him, you can talk to the aide. You can ask the aide to help protect your child from teasing, as well. Negative teasing often goes unpunished in our culture. But you need to find a way to defend your child from these ill effects.

* You may want to look into homeschooling. For advice, you can search the Internet.

* You may be able to find a school that controls most peer interactions. This might be a private special-needs school.

So remember, it’s your job to protect your child’s self-esteem.

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