Posts Tagged ‘teen self-help’

The foundation to any positive relationship is being able to Speak with Good Purpose. No matter the type of relationship, having positive communication skills maintains a level of trust and respect with the people we choose to surround ourselves with.

Negative communication, such as gossip, complaints, insults, or slander, will eventually destroy a healthy environment. This is extremely damaging to any kind of relationship. We must learn how to effectively avoid gossip, address grievances and concerns in a mature manner, and express ourselves clearly and directly. This is what makes Speaking with Good Purpose the cornerstone for a healthy relationship.

To Speak with Good Purpose means more than simply using positive language. It also means to communicate with positive intent; make it honest and direct. Avoid repeating or encouraging negative comments and gossip. Instead, focus on positive conversation and solutions. To do this, you must tell the truth, air assumptions, and maintain integrity by apologizing when necessary.

When we control the thoughts we use, we are in effect, controlling the words they create. Every one of us has the power to choose positive, powerful thoughts or negative, damaging thoughts. Everything we think and say either has the power to build up, or tear down. The first step is awareness; becoming aware of the negative thoughts that pop into your head. Think for a moment about the voice in your head, the one that says, “You can’t because ” - the voice that derives reasons why you will fail before you ever try. What may be blocking you from asking for that raise, or asking that special someone on a date? You may be sabotaging yourself based on the negative thoughts your mind repeats.

Some of the most important questions you can ask yourself are, “What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail? What is holding you back?” Are you telling yourself that it is impractical, and dangerous to take risks? Take control of that voice and tell yourself how you will succeed. To Speak with Good Purpose to others, we must first be able to Speak with Good Purpose to ourselves.

We also need to check in with ourselves about how we speak to others. Over 90 percent of our communication happens in the way we choose to say something rather than just in the words we speak. Are the words we use encouraging and usefully, or are they damaging? Take note of the tone in your voice. Do you sound whiney, cynical, defeated, or as if you’re complaining? Sometimes, we unconsciously adopt patterns of speech that hamper our ability to communicate clearly. Once aware of a communication skills problem, you can begin to focus on change. Rather than saying the first thing that comes to mind, you can choose to focus on how to better Speak with Good Purpose.

When conflict arises, it is easy to forget how to Speak with Good Purpose. Emotional conflict makes it difficult to communicate thoughts and feelings without slipping into negative patterns like laying blame or attacking the face with angry accusations and insults.

Letting emotions get in the way of our speech only leads to confusion, disappointment, hurt feelings, or even fights. Fortunately good communication skills give us the tools to discuss disagreements clearly and without drama. This brings understanding and will help you work together to establish a solution you both agree on.

While at one well-known academic summer camp, students learn how to Speak with Good Purpose by also becoming better active listeners. Active listening is the art of listening attentively to someone and letting them know they have been heard. When we can effectively see the situation through another person’s eyes, we know that we are active listeners. To overcome disagreement, the best way to reach a positive solution is to listen more and talk less. By doing this, we avoid emotions as we seek first to understand so that we may in turn be understood.

Absorb what the other person is saying and try to truly understand them. Once they are done, paraphrase what they have said to make sure you understand, and then follow up with your point of view. This process earns you, “The right to speak.” Once you have done this, you will be able to truly understand the other person’s point of view and continue the process of Speaking with Good Purpose to achieve conflict resolution.